


I'll Never Leave, I'll Always Stay

by Athena83



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 06:19:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16655830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athena83/pseuds/Athena83
Summary: Yondu has a flashback to his time as a Kree battle slave, resulting in an anxiety attack, and the reader helps him through it.





	I'll Never Leave, I'll Always Stay

**Author's Note:**

> So this story came out of nowhere last night, and it ended up being really hard to write. The words flowed easily enough, but it was very emotional for me. As someone who deals with anxiety attacks, writing this hit a little close to home, and I ended up crying through the last 1/3 of the story. That being said, I didn’t do any editing (apart from looking for typos, though I may have missed some), so what you see is what came out last night, grammatical errors and all. 
> 
> The title came from one of my favorite songs, _Tree to Grow_ , by The Lone Bellow, but the story itself was heavily influenced by another of my favorite songs by the same band, _Take My Love_. On first listen, it doesn’t really _sound_ like it would fit the story, but I’ve always found the song really emotional, and the moment right as it builds up and breaks into the last chorus always _slays_ me. Some of the lyrics are pretty fitting, too, and I listened to the song on repeat the entire time I was writing this. I highly recommend the song, or any song by The Lone Bellow, actually; they’re fantastic.

One minute everything was fine, and the next, Yondu could feel the familiar warning signs of an impending anxiety attack. He had been standing in the hall, discussing the next mission with Kraglin, when he heard it – the metallic clinking of chains. It was only Tullk walking past carrying a box of odds and ends, which just happened to contain a chain that was hanging out of the box, but that didn’t stop the sudden, overwhelming fear. He broke out in a sweat. He knew he had precious few moments before he would break down and the horrible memories would flood in, and he refused to show that weakness to the crew. 

He cut Kraglin off mid-sentence, “Fergot somethin’ I gotta do,” and walked off before Kraglin could respond.

“Aye, Cap’n,” Kraglin called after him, before turning and walking off in the opposite direction.

Yondu didn’t have time to worry about what Kraglin would think. He hurried around a corner and found a storage room. Slamming the door, he staggered to the middle of the room, just as the flashbacks hit him. Pieces of memories flashed across his mind’s eye – rattling chains attached to his wrists, ankles, and neck; the quick whistle of a whip above his head, then the sharp sting as it hit his bare back, again and again. He fell to his knees and cradled his head in his hands as he rocked back and forth, the memories still assaulting him. He could smell the cramped cell he was kept locked in, could feel the cold floor beneath him. 

_He was there. No. No, he was on the Eclector._ But the memories felt so real, and he was losing his grip on reality. He started to shake as the memories became clearer and his surroundings became hazier. Gasping for breath, he gave in as the terrible memories crashed over him.

______________________________________________

 

“Yondu! _Yondu!_ ”

Vaguely, he heard someone calling his name, as if through a fog, as though from miles away.

“Yondu, are you okay?”

He felt a soft touch on his hand. This couldn’t be part of his nightmares. There was no softness in those dark places.

Slowly, his surroundings started to come back to him. It was still hazy, still gray, but he could make out the storage room. _Not in a cell_. His breathing was still ragged, and he was still besieged by nausea, but he became aware of someone holding his trembling hand.

“Yondu, what happened?”

_Y/N_. He saw her sitting on the floor next to him. 

He shook his head slightly, but the resulting wave of dizziness had him regretting it at once. 

“I’m… I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Y/N replied, her voice laced with concern.

He hated that she had to see him like this: weak, pathetic, useless. She should get up and walk away, leave him alone with his demons. He didn’t deserve her kindness. He deserved to be alone. She was better off without him. He tried to remove his hand from her gentle grasp, but she tightened her grip.

As though she could read his mind, she told him, “I’m not leaving you. I’m never leaving you, Yondu. Whatever you’re going through, I’m staying. I’ll always stay.”

She wrapped her other arm around his shoulder and gathered him to her, as he began to weep. She gently rubbed his back as he took great shuddering breaths and let the tears flow freely. She whispered reassurances as he fought back the darkness. For once, he didn’t have to weather the storm on his own. She was his anchor, and though he was still seeing and feeling the past, he could feel her warm presence beside him, as well. He could feel her calling him back to the light, away from the nightmares – from the pain, the despair, the cold chains. Her warmth was reassuring, and he could still hear her whispering, “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here.” 

Finally, the attack loosened its grip on him, and he felt the tightness in his chest ease. Y/N was still gently rubbing his back as he rested his head on her chest. She seemed to notice the change in his breathing, from gasping to only slightly shaky. In a quiet voice, she asked, “Is the worst over?”

He sat up and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, and, in a scratchy voice, said, “Yeah, think so.” He felt her stop rubbing his back and felt a sudden pang of grief that she would be leaving him now. She was probably ashamed of his breakdown, was probably already planning to leave the ship and go back home. He felt the blackness creeping back with those thoughts, but then he felt her warm hand on his face, gently caressing his cheek with her thumb. He opened his eyes and found her smiling softly at him. 

“You don’t have to be alone anymore, Yondu.”

He still felt the numbness that followed an attack, but this time there was something else too, something small, but he clung to it as a man lost at sea clings to a piece of driftwood.

Leaning forward, he enveloped her in his arms, and whispered, “Thank you.”

In answer, she returned his embrace, and he knew she hadn’t been lying. She wouldn’t leave him alone.


End file.
